Divorce - Jewish Couples - Women's Tactics

Question:

 

Life with my husband is unbearable for myself and the children but I know divorce will be a long, drawn out battle at the rabbinate because he has a vengeful nature. Friends keep urging me to move out with the kids and rent an apartment, to keep our sanity. I am worried that I won’t manage financially until the whole package is settled . Can I get financial support for myself and the children without divorcing ? What is my best strategy ?

 

Answer:

 

Yes, according to Jewish law, a husband must support his wife (while married) and minor children. The wife should file quickly for custody and maintenance through the family court independently of divorce to beat her your husband to it (he may file for divorce first at the rabbinical court in which case the woman’s maintenance and custody will be included). She can also start filing on the financial front - See Property Rights

 

Generally, it is better for a woman to use the family court for filing for custody, maintenance and even property issues, and only resort to the rabbinical court regarding the divorce. The rabbinical court only has jurisdiction to rule on child maintenance if both spouses agree.

 

The actions at the family court regarding custody and maintenance for the wife only hold if the husband does not pre-empt her and strike at the rabbinate first, filing for divorce, child custody, maintenance and property. If so, the doors of the civil system will be closed to her.

 

Some people may scare the wife about losing out financially if she leaves home. The children’s maintenance is payable independently of her actions. If, however, it is proved that she left home without justification, then she could lose her right to maintenance while she remains married.

  

Question:

 

I was bullied and pressurized into signing a very one-sided divorce agreement which my husband’s lawyer drew up. I married ten years ago. My husband is emotionally abusive and I am desperate to end the marriage. A date has been set for the agreement to be authorized at the rabbinical court . My husband said they can okay everything and the divorce will come through quickly. A friend of mine looked at it and said I should never have signed. He gets our luxury home (which is registered in our joint names ) and all our savings. I get custody of our children, low child maintenance and a small lump sum.

Is it too late to go back on the agreement if I am desperate to divorce ?

 

Answer:

 

No, it is not too late ! An agreement between married couples must be authorized by court to have validity according to the Spouses’ Property Relations Act of 1973. As the agreement you signed has not been authorized by the rabbinical court or the family court it lacks legal validity and you are not bound by its terms relating to your property rights .You can inform your husband that you do not consent to it , are cancelling it and will not co-operate in getting it passed. However, you should act to protect your property rights and file for a division of the family home. Regarding divorce, abuse, if proved, is grounds for divorce under Jewish law.

  

Question:

 

My husband and I are Jewish. He refuses to give me a divorce. I know he is planning to leave the country to marry another woman with foreign nationality in a civil wedding abroad . I am terrified he will not return and I will be an "aguna" under Jewish law, and will not be able to get a divorce , and my freedom to remarry. Can I do anything to stop him ?

 

Answer:

 

Yes ! A woman in this situation can apply for an emergency 'stop order' from the rabbinical court to prevent her husband from leaving Israel, on the grounds of the fear that she will become an 'aguna' ( or "abandoned wife") if he does not return. If the woman has evidence to support the notion that her husband is planning to marry another woman abroad, these can help her persuade the rabbinical court to grant the order.

 

  

Question:

 

Will a wife who is desperate to divorce her violent husband have a hope of succeeding – without giving in to his threat to condition his consent at the rabbinate upon her promise not to bring certain legal action against him ?

 

Answer:

 

Yes - where the husband is proven to be violent then the court can oblige him to divorce – without allowing him to condition his consent on undertakings by his wife to refrain from taking certain legal action. In a case before Jerusalem rabbinical court the husband admitted to extreme violence against his wife, but after she filed for divorce, he said he would agree to end the marriage only if she undertook not to file for child maintenance at the family court – and supplied guarantors. The wife claimed that his demand for guarantors was unreasonable because as a new immigrant she did not know people well enough to ask them to be guarantors. The rabbinical court held that in the circumstances , given the extreme violence involved, the husband must divorce his wife – and said that the wife should make reasonable efforts to find guarantors to speed up the process.

  

Question:

 

My marriage has broken down and my husband and I are in the middle of very unpleasant divorce negotiations. We are both Jewish and still live in the marital home. If I have intimate relations with someone else before I am divorced can it jeopardise my financial rights ?

 

Answer:

 

Firstly, according to Jewish religious law if a married woman is found to have been having intimate relations with a man other than her husband she is likely to be declared a “rebellious” and “fornicating” wife and is at risk of losing her rights to maintenance until the divorce and to her Ketuba. However, there is no legal connection between a married woman having intimate relations with someone else and losing her property rights as a result.

  

 

Question:

 

How can a wife persuade her husband to come back and agree to ‘shlom bayit’ if he refuses, and asks her to divorce ?

 

Answer:

 

The wife should file a plea for ‘shlom bayit’ (marital reconciliation ) at the rabbinate. If her husband files for divorce there, she should defend herself and try and persuade the rabbinical court that no grounds exist for divorce. The wife’s plea for ‘shlom bayit’ is actually “toothless”; its purpose is to persuade the rabbinical court to exercise its moral authority to try and make the husband save the marriage, but it has no legal authority at all on the issue.

 

There are situations where a wife may file a plea for ‘shlom bayit’ for tactical reasons. She may not be ready emotionally to divorce, but may be interested in preventing her husband leaving the country, or transferring property, and within the framework of the plea she can apply for appropriate orders to stop these happening.

  

 

Question:

 

Can a rabbinical court force a wife to accept a divorce if she and her husband have been separated for years and he has had live-in relationships with other women – but she demands ‘shlom bayit’ ?

 

Answer:

 

Seemingly not – according to a Greater Rabbnical Court ruling in 2001. It rejected a husband’s claims that his wife be ordered to accept a ‘get’ because he would never live with her again – and she was only refusing divorce out of revenge. The couple had been living apart for many years and the husband was now in his second live-in relationship with another woman. Despite this the wife objected to his divorce pleas. She said she was willing to accept him back and wanted marital re-conciliation. It was held that even if the wife was acting out of revenge, she had done nothing during the time they lived together that gave her husband grounds for divorce – and a man who had committed adultery should not be rewarded for his negative behaviour and had no right to make his wife accept a ‘get’.

  

 

Question:

 

Could evidence indicating a husband paid for membership to internet dating services help a woman obtain a "get" ?

 

Answer:

 

Yes, such evidence could certainly help, as part of the wife's evidence to prove that her husband had committed adultery, but is not sufficient on its own. In July 2008 Ashkelon Rabbinical Court specifically cited documentation presented by a wife proving that her husband had paid for internet dating membership on his credit card as part of the evidence that persuaded it to accept her divorce plea. Other evidence presented by the wife proved the husband had committed adultery a number of times, with different women, the rabbinical court held. It rejected the husband's plea for "Shalom Bayit" (marital reconciliation), saying that all the evidence indicated that it had been filed for tactical reasons only, and not in good faith.

  

 

Question:

 

Is a list obtained from a phone company detailing the exact dates, times and lengths of hundreds of conversations between a phone line in a husband’s name and that in a certain woman’s name enough evidence for the rabbinical court to order him to grant his wife a “get” on the basis of adultery between the two ?

 

Answer:

 

No ! Such evidence is not enough to tip the scales in a wife’s divorce plea based on adultery, although it would have considerable weight and , together with other evidence, help to create a picture of his activities . The rabbinical court will only order a husband to divorce his wife on grounds of adultery if there is overwhelmingly clear and irrefutable evidence of his unfaithfulness.

Certainly it would be useful for you to obtain this list ,particularly if the times

listed were not daytime working hours. You may be well advised to obtain investigative evidence of adultery.

  

 

Question:

 

Can a wife who wants to divorce be ordered to reconcile her marriage at her husband’s request – even if she brings proof that he is having an extra-marital affair ?

  

No ! Once a rabbinical court accepts evidence brought by the wife proving that her husband is having sex outside marriage , it will not order her to reconcile her marriage (‘Shlom Bayit’) , and will oblige him to divorce, for fear of him passing on sexually transmitted disease to his wife.

 

In 2002 a husband filed for ‘Shlom Bayit’ , and alternatively divorce, at the Jerusalem District Rabbinical Court . The wife agreed to try and put their marriage together again and the couple went for marital counseling, during the course of which she discovered that the husband was having an affair . She filed for divorce, bringing proof of her husband’s adultery, and claiming her husband refused to have sex with her. The rabbinical court said divorce was the only option but the husband refused to come to an agreement with his wife for financial reasons. In the end the rabbinical court held the husband to be ‘rebellious’ and gave an order obliging him to divorce his wife. Where there was a risk of the wife catching a serious disease because of the husband’s promiscuous behaviour the wife could not be ordered to reconcile her marriage and have intimate relations with her husband. It can even force him to divorce, it was held

  

 

Question:

 

Can a wife whose husband refuses to divorce despite a rabbinical court judgment obliging him to do so, file him for financial compensation ?

 

 

Answer:

 

Yes, it was held in 2001 by Jerusalem Family Court where such a plea was filed . A wife can do so on the basis of infringement of her basic right under the Human Dignity and Freedom Act to determine her destiny concerning marriage/divorce. She can file her husband for compensation for ‘damage’ according to the Civil Wrongs Ordinance , at the family court.

  

 

Question:

 

Can a Jewish woman successfully sue her Jewish ex-husband for financial compensation for the suffering he caused her by refusing to give her a "get" ?

 

Answer:

 

Yes – but she will need to have a rabbinical court judgment ordering him to grant her a religious divorce ("get") first and need to prove that she suffered from his refusal to comply with the ruling. In July 2008 Jerusalem Family Court ordered an ex-husband to pay his ex-wife 550,000 Shekels compensation for the damage he caused her by refusing to divorce. In this extreme case the woman suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her husband, and waited years before she actually became divorced. Such

financial compensation for a husband's refusal to divorce a wife would be the exception, rather than the rule, though it is possible for a wife to succeed in the most extreme cases.

 

  

 

Question:

 

What effect could leaving the marital home have for a wife in proceedings against her husband for financial support, at the family and not the rabbinical court ?

 

Answer:

 

If a wife leaves the family home, without legal grounds/justification, then she is likely to lose her right under Jewish law to maintenance from her husband, even if she filed for it at the family court, and not the rabbinical court. However, it is sufficient for her to show verbal violence that prevents "peaceful accommodation" i.e. endless rows for her to justify leaving the marital home .

 

Incidentally, if the children leave the marital home with her, their right to maintenance from their father under Jewish law is totally unconnected with whether their mother's behaviour was justified or not. They are entitled to maintenance from their father whether the mother was justified or not in leaving the marital home.

  

 

Question:

 

My husband filed for divorce at the rabbinical court and included my maintenance. The rabbinical court has now rejected his plea. He still won’t support me financially. What are my legal options for getting him to do so ?

 

Answer:

 

In general, once a rabbinical court rejects a husband’s divorce plea to which a wife’s maintenance has been bound , it loses jurisdiction over the issue of the wife’s maintenance, the Supreme Court held in the eighties. The wife is then free to decide whether to file for her maintenance at the rabbinical court or in the civil system, where jurisdiction nowadays lies with the family court.

  

 

Question:

 

Can a wife keep a husband out of the home – against his will – to cause actual separation between them during the divorce proceedings, where he is not violent, but just to make life easier ?

 

Answer:

 

No! In principle, a husband can only be banned from the family home by way of a court order on the basis of his violent behaviour – physical or emotional – towards his wife or children, or where there is a substantial threat, or substantial risk of violence towards a family member living there. An order cannot be granted just to separate the spouses and make it easier for the wife during divorce proceedings .

  

 

 

Question:

 

I am trying to challenge my husband’s attempt to bind a plea for division of our marital property to a divorce plea he filed at the rabbinate . I intend to file for a division of our property at the family court. I expect my husband will ask the family court to throw out my plea because he filed at the rabbinical court first. Can incriminating statements he made during other proceedings help my case?  

 

Answer:

 

Yes ! In January 2003 the Supreme Court of Justice was faced with a petition by a former wife challenging the rabbinical court’s claim to jurisdiction over marital property. Two competing courts – the family court and the rabbinical court – both claimed they had jurisdiction over the former couple’s marital property, and both rulings had been backed up on appeal. In deciding, the Supreme Court of Justice gave much weight to the protocol of a hearing at the family court a few months after the husband had filed for divorce .

 

When asked by the judge whether he would consent to divorce if any court held his wife should get a share of the property he avoided committing himself, saying that he could not ‘decide so quickly.’ This showed that the divorce plea had not been filed in good faith – one of the conditions for binding a property plea to a divorce plea at the rabbinical court, and allowing it to gain jurisdiction . It had been aimed at putting pressure on his wife – and his consent depended on her concessions over property.

  

 

Question:

 

The rabbinical court has ordered my husband to divorce me, but I am worried that my husband will try to trick me out of my "Ketuba". Is there anything that I can do to guarantee getting my rights according to my "Ketuba"?

 

Answer:

 

Yes, where the rabbinical court has ordered the husband to grant his wife a divorce, it can grant freezing orders before the actual divorce is given – to guarantee that the wife will be able to realize her financial rights according to her Ketuba. So held Tel Aviv Rabbinical Court in July 2006.

  

 

Question:

 

What can a woman do to challenge a request made by her husband to the rabbinical court as part of divorce proceedings against her, to forbid her from marrying the man he alleges she is having an affair with ?

 

Answer:

 

Firstly, she can try and negotiate with her husband to withdraw his request, before the rabbinical court gives a decision that proceedings should move on to the evidence stage. If this fails, she can ask the rabbinical court to cancel her husband’s request, and grant her a divorce which does not restrict her right to remarry. If, however, the rabbinical court rejects this, and holds that the husband should have the right to prove his case, then she can request permission to appeal against this decision. Should this fail, too, and a decision is given banning her from marrying her alleged lover after her divorce, she can appeal against this to the Greater Rabbinical Court. Assuming this fails – and real proof of intimate relations on the part of the woman are not proved – then she can bring a petition to the Supreme Court of Justice challenging the legality of such a decision.

  

Question:

 

Can a Jewish woman who is in the middle of divorcing her Jewish husband, date another man without jeopardizing her rights as a married woman ?

 

Answer:

 

No! If a Jewish woman is in the middle of divorce proceedings and dates another man she is at risk of losing her right to maintenance until she receives her ‘get’. She is also likely to risk losing her rights under her “Ketuba” (marriage contract).

  

 

Question:

 

Is a Jewish woman regarded in Israel as "free to marry" and have a child under Jewish law if she married and then divorced a Jewish man abroad – both according to civil law there ?

 

Answer:

 

No ,even though it may sound paradoxical, as Orthodox Jewish law does not recognize civil marriage between Jews in the first place, and regards it as having no legal value. However, a Jewish divorce is still needed, and is designed to erase the doubt of a child that may be born to the woman in the future being dubbed a "bastard".

  

Question:

 

Can a woman who suffered for years because of her husband's refusal to divorce get compensation from his estate ?

 

Answer:

 

Yes, in certain circumstances. In 2006 Kfar Saba Family Court passed judgment ordering the estate of a husband to pay over 700,000 N.I.S. to his widow. He had refused to grant her a divorce for over 20 years, even though the rabbinical court had ordered him to do so. He died in 1998, after leaving a will in which he deliberately cut out his wife and children, and left all his property to other relatives.

 

The family court held that the deceased had caused her distress, and was obliged to compensate her for damages for his negligence and failure to stand by his obligation under law. It held that his estate should pay the widow 3,000 NIS for failing to release her from her status as an 'aguna', and a sum for each month he failed to give her a divorce from the time ordered to do so by the rabbinical court in 1979, until his death in 1998 – over 708,000 N.I.S.